Friday, March 25, 2011

Forward Alone

There comes a point in life when we lose our way. We lose ourself. We reach a fork in the path and we're uncertain which way we should go. The trials of life darken our path and there is no glimmer of light to help in finding our way through the perils. We cast a glance over our shoulder at the places we've been. We can't move backward, to the times when life was good--love was good.

It's scary moving forward alone. 

I have played an active role in every minute of my life. If there is someone I should blame, I can only point at myself. How many times have you been told you see what you want to see and not the truth? I've been told that a lot. I can see that truth.

I have become the worst possible version of myself. I look around and it's obvious. Life offers little challenge. I feel as if I'm on the outside peering into someone else's life--someone who calls herself by my name. I've allowed the pain of loss to weaken me. I've allowed my distrust from the past to alter my future--in an ugly way. It's too late to say sorry to those who have been inflicted wrongly. However, their pain is vindicated. They found the weak spot and needled their retaliation deep within me. Do they have blood under their nails?

If ever it were possible to run away, now would be the time. To find myself. To find that person with strength and happiness. When one is stuck in the same bubble they've built, it's hard to see anything beyond the facade. It's amazing how it takes months of hard work to create something beautiful and lovely, but only minutes to destroy it.

We must ask we shed tears over the loss or is it because we are alone. Life is risky. Life isn't easy. It promises pain, as well as happiness. With each hurdle we endure, we must take it as a life lesson. With each person we meet, we must value them as a teacher. There is a lesson in everything if we're willing to learn.

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