Wednesday, March 16, 2011

Why Settle for a Slice when you can have the Whole Pie?

I met someone yesterday, and how the conversation sidetracked from business to romance I'm not too sure, but indeed it was an interesting conversation. If I tell someone I write romance, erotic romance, I see the question marks light up in their eyes.  

For the sake of this story, we'll call her Agnus. Agnus was a heterosexual turned lesbian. Agnus and her partner have been together for five years and seem very happy. I enjoyed talking with her and found her story wonderful.

We were discussing her long-term relationship with her partner and my somewhat-new single life as a divorcee with kids. Yikes, that was a mouthful. She asked me if the "market" had changed any. Hahaha...My answer, "The variety is lacking if not nonexistent." Not that I'm searching. I'm happy, but just saying....And of course our "flavors" in a partner run on different sides of the fence.

Agnus said, "On my first date with my partner(Eunice) she asked me, 'How is it possible that you're available?'" Agnus continued, "I was a bit put off. I took it the wrong way, as if Eunice was saying that there must be something wrong with me." After Agnus had a chance to think about it, she answered Eunice, "I'm available because I refuse to settle."

 This is a very simple suggestion, "Don't EVER settle." But even though we tell ourself this, how many times do we settle?

At the grocery, we are standing in front of the meat counter, perusing the thick, fresh filet mignon steaks and our mouth salivates. However, you instead choose the brown-edged, price-reduced cubed steak because you save five bucks. Sure, one doesn't have to always choose the filet mignon, but your mouth, and stomach, would have appreciated the splurge. Shopping for a new outfit, you see a fabulous, stylish sweater that is the perfect shade and fit. You look at the price tag and you almost pee yourself. Is it legal for a store to charge that amount? Your stylish-girl-heart breaks as you pass it by and head to the clearance rack where you pick three shirts that get holes in them after two washings. Sure, the elegant sweater was pricey and almost made you wet yourself in shock, but more than likely it would have lasted much longer and had still been stylish long after the clearance items you bought were discarded as rags.

Now, I'm not saying these things compare to a relationship. There is no comparison, uhh, right? And really, how in the world do we know if we're settling? The first few months of anything feel splendid. We're all mushy inside and everything has that new feeling.

Is there something we need to watch for? Brown-edges? Reduced prices? Fit? Shape? Hmm...


  1. I went back into the dating market several years ago after 12.5 years of marriage and being widowed. Totally different market. I eventually dived into eHarmony. It worked for me, but I know it's not for everyone. Best of luck.

  2. I tried an online dating service and it didn't work for me, but I know there are many success stories. I think partly why it didn't work was because I wasn't quite ready. Best of luck to you :)

  3. I just wish you the best, Rhonda Lee. When I thought I was single forever, I cast my wishes to the universe and the RIGHT guy appeared. Continue to be good and believe and it will happen.
    Liz Arnold
    Message to Love
    The Wild Rose Press

  4. Thanx, Liz. It's when we no longer look we find the ONE.

  5. I'm not single, but you if I were again, I believe I'd cherish myself more than I ever did when I was younger. I'd buy the better sweater too - in fact, next time I go shopping, I'm buying the better piece of clothing *pumps fist in air* YEAH!

    A lovely post . . .