Monday, June 17, 2013

How big do you like your...uhh...cucumber? What?!?

If you were a fly on the wall during my conversations with my friends, you'd certainly be astonished...or offended...But what are friends for? It's not as if we talk about sex each time we hang out, but I can't deny it is a topic on the table many times.

Have you ever heard a story that you must retell? Well, I have a juicy one...but I can't tell you which friend told me and made me almost pee my panst because I laughed so hard. For the sake of privacy, I'll call her "Darcy."

Darcy and her husband were into their tenth year of marriage and things had started becoming a bit bland in the bedroom. So, she decided to read an array of erotic romances. She loved them. She bought more. One evening, while reading a sexy book that contained a scene with sex toys, she became hot. She also wanted to explore possibilities. She didn't own a toy, but she had an idea. In her clever moment, she seduced her husband into role-play. It was the best night they'd had in years.

The next day, Darcy had family over. They were all hanging out in the kitchen and laughing and talking. Darcy tells her husband, "Honey, would you mind running down to the store and grabbing a cucumber for the salad?" Before Mr. Darcy could respond, Darcy Jr. yells that her dad didn't have to go to the store. Darcy wasn't sure what her daughter meant. Darcy Jr. left the room and came back a few seconds later, bringing back a cucumber. Mother-in-law asks, "Darcy Jr., where were you keeping that?" Darcy suddenly realizes where her daughter had found it. She grabs for the cucumber just as Darcy Jr. says, "It's not mine. I found it in mom and dad's bed."

A bit of advice from Darcy: Be sure to dispose of any evidence.

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