Tuesday, June 18, 2013

Wandering Eyes.

Men stare at other women, right? We learn to expect it from them and instead of asking them to stop, we learn to accept. Is that always a solution? Maybe not!

If you're with a man and he's always ogling other women and it doesn't matter to you, congratulations! You're probably one of the few. But for most women, I think it's an issue. I hear women talking about men and their wandering eyes frequently.

I guess there are two ways to look at this issue. Ask yourself how involved you are with your man. Are you two serious? If not, then hang out with him and have fun. Who cares if he visually devours every attractive woman, and some not so attractive, that walks by? You have eyes too, use them. There comes a point though where two people decide they're in it for the long run. This would be a good time to discuss issues that could later cause bigger problems.

A few days ago, a friend and her husband were celebrating their ninth wedding anniversary. They'd planned an evening with dinner over candlelight. She was excited, because with four kids, she doesn't get out much. The next day, she tells me, "I spent two hours fixing my hair, putting on my makeup and climbing into a sexy, short black dress. We get to the restaurant and the first thing he (her husband) does is breaks his neck checking out a large-breasted woman walking by our table." Although she forgave him, did she really let "it" go? Probably not, which means it'll eventually boil up inside of her.

It's natural  to see something attractive--flowers, paintings, houses, purses, shoes, food, animals, clothes and people...you name it--and do a double take, but when this "normal" second-look becomes an obvious neck-breaker, it could become an issue.

So, my friend and I started shuffling through the question...has it become a big problem in her marriage or is it not? She realized it wasn't going on her reasons-to-divorce list, but it hurt her enough that she needed to speak to him. Sometimes a good talk is all it takes.

It's important to know the real-deal before you accuse your man of ogling. Ask yourself, is he staring or glimpsing? There's a difference--a huge one!  When a man stares, it's obnoxious and shameless. Something like stopping in his tracks and watching "her" until she disappears. And looking is just that, looking. The intention behind his ogling could be the biggest issue. Do you fear he is cheating, or looking for someone else? And there are always red flags that we should never overlook. If you're out with a girlfriend and your man is staring at her, or sizing her up, he belongs in the trash bin. If you get all dressed up and he fails to acknowledge your effort, but is quick to mention another woman's looks, that's a sign that he should walk on.

After you tell him how you feel, and he continues "ogling," you either have to accept his issue or move on.But keep in mind, his wandering eye has nothing to do with the flaws that you think you have. Keep it in perspective when you make your point. 

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