I'm not an expert in relationships, but there's one thing I see among couples that I believe decreases their chances of survival. We place high expectations on one another and when we can't reach those demands, we think we're in trouble.Sure, it could be a red flag that the foundation has a crack, but take out your marriage fist aid kit and start patching.
There's a fine balance between communication and sex, each with equal importance. If the relationship feels as if it's not working as planned, the balance can tip, or completely drop. We want to keep it from getting that severe. As a result of this "tipping," sex become minimal, if not completely lost. There are a lot of things you can do to improve your relationship, but in my opinion, sex is the best remedy. Why? Because it promotes intimacy.
The lack of sex is usually a hint to something deeper.
One of my closest friends came over to visit yesterday. She has been married for ten years to a good guy and they have two kids. I could tell she was upset and when I asked what was wrong she followed with a stream of complaints. "He won't pick up his clothes. He won't wash the dishes. He won't talk to me..." After taking a long sip of water, she said, "I'm not giving him any sex for a week!"
Oh noooo! Does this seem familiar...? Although I could understand my friend's frustration, I don't agree with the solution, because it's really not a solution, but rather a punishment. We discipline our children, NOT our partners. Refusing to have sex could work for a short time, but in the long run, I believe it could cause intimacy issues. Several of my friends believe that putting the goods on hold can make their partner miss it so much that they'll change all the bad things just to get sex. Not true, at least what I've seen from their stories. After all, can any one person change over night? Hardly.
My opinion, give him great sex and don't ask for anything in return. Whether you're arguing about dirty dishes or not, still keep the bed rocking. Besides, sex has nothing to do with the household chores. Sure, I know a lot of women who think they must be in the "mood" to have sex: this includes the house clean, the kids fed, their hair fixed and their make up on...Think again. If we waited for all of these aspects to be in line, we'd never be having sex. And sometimes to charge up your sex life, you may have to start up those back rubs, blow jobs and toe licking again. Now...now...don't say you've never done any of those things.
Am I suggesting to let him have his way? Hell no! I'm saying intimacy can be in a hug, a back rub, laughter, touching one's face, holding hands...and sex comes along. And sex is fun.
There's a fine balance between communication and sex, each with equal importance. If the relationship feels as if it's not working as planned, the balance can tip, or completely drop. We want to keep it from getting that severe. As a result of this "tipping," sex become minimal, if not completely lost. There are a lot of things you can do to improve your relationship, but in my opinion, sex is the best remedy. Why? Because it promotes intimacy.
The lack of sex is usually a hint to something deeper.
One of my closest friends came over to visit yesterday. She has been married for ten years to a good guy and they have two kids. I could tell she was upset and when I asked what was wrong she followed with a stream of complaints. "He won't pick up his clothes. He won't wash the dishes. He won't talk to me..." After taking a long sip of water, she said, "I'm not giving him any sex for a week!"
Oh noooo! Does this seem familiar...? Although I could understand my friend's frustration, I don't agree with the solution, because it's really not a solution, but rather a punishment. We discipline our children, NOT our partners. Refusing to have sex could work for a short time, but in the long run, I believe it could cause intimacy issues. Several of my friends believe that putting the goods on hold can make their partner miss it so much that they'll change all the bad things just to get sex. Not true, at least what I've seen from their stories. After all, can any one person change over night? Hardly.
My opinion, give him great sex and don't ask for anything in return. Whether you're arguing about dirty dishes or not, still keep the bed rocking. Besides, sex has nothing to do with the household chores. Sure, I know a lot of women who think they must be in the "mood" to have sex: this includes the house clean, the kids fed, their hair fixed and their make up on...Think again. If we waited for all of these aspects to be in line, we'd never be having sex. And sometimes to charge up your sex life, you may have to start up those back rubs, blow jobs and toe licking again. Now...now...don't say you've never done any of those things.
Am I suggesting to let him have his way? Hell no! I'm saying intimacy can be in a hug, a back rub, laughter, touching one's face, holding hands...and sex comes along. And sex is fun.
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